Mentoring
10 Daily Habits that Often Waste 90 Percent of Our Time and Potential
WRITTEN by ANGEL CHERNOFF May 9, 2024, 9:08 AM https://www.marcandangel.com/
Patience is not about waiting, it’s the ability to maintain a positive outlook while working hard for what you believe in.
Have you ever told yourself that you’re going to make something happen and then nothing happened? All details aside, it’s because you didn’t have the right habits in place — the little things you do every day that build up to something bigger. Your habits truly make or break you. Because in all walks of life you become what you habitually do. You will never make progress or change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret to your success is always found in your daily habits and routines.
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In other words, regardless of your unique life situation or how you personally define success, you can’t become an overnight success. You become successful over time from all the little things you do one day at a time.
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Failure occurs in the same way. All your little daily failures (that you don’t learn and grow from) come together and cause you to fail…
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You fail to check the books.
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You fail to make the calls.
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You fail to listen to your customers.
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You fail to innovate.
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You fail to do what must be done.
And then one day you wake up and your business has failed. It was all the little things you did or didn’t do along the way — your daily habits — not just one big catastrophic event.
Let this be your wake-up call.
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YOUR LIFE IS YOUR BUSINESS!
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YOUR HABITS ARE YOUR BUSINESS!
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So today, let’s discuss some super-common daily habits Marc and I have seen plaguing dozens of our coaching clients and conference attendees over the past decade — little things many people do over and over again, week after week, that waste nearly all their time and energy:
1. Change nothing and expect different results.
There’s a saying that the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Take this to heart. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Oftentimes the only difference between a successful person and a person who makes little progress is not one’s superior abilities, but the courage that one has to bet on their ideas, to take calculated risks, and to take steady steps forward.
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Truly, some people sit and wait for the magic beans to arrive while the rest of us just get up and get to work.
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2. Keep waiting for the right time.
Even when we have productive intentions, too many of us waste so much of our time waiting for ideal paths to appear. But they never do of course, because we forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting. So stop waiting today…
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Think of today as the beginning — the conception of a new life. The next nine months are all yours. You can do with them as you please. Make them count! Because a new person is born in nine months. The only question is: Who do you want that person to be? Now is the time to decide.
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And no, you shouldn’t feel more confident before you take the next step. Taking the next step is what builds your confidence and fuels your inner and outer growth.
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3. Believe good things come fast and easy.
A goal is a point of achievement that requires effort and sacrifice. There are no esteemed goals worth participating in that don’t require some level of effort and sacrifice. Marc’s 90-year-old grandmother once told us, “Decades from now when you’re getting closer to the end, you will not remember the days that were easy, you will cherish the moments when you rose above your difficulties and conquered challenges of magnitude. You will dream of the strength you found within yourself that allowed you to achieve what once seemed impossible.”
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So don’t just do what’s easy today, do what you’re capable of. Astound yourself with your own abilities. And as you struggle forward, remember, it’s far better to be exhausted from little bits of effort and learning than to be tired of doing absolutely nothing. Effort is never wasted, even when it leads to disappointing results. For it always makes you stronger and more experienced in the long run.
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4. Refuse to accept necessary risks.
Living is about learning as you go. Living is risky business. Every decision, every interaction, every step, every time you get out of bed in the morning, you take a small risk. To truly live is to know you’re getting up and taking that risk, and to trust yourself to take it. To not get out of bed, clutching to illusions of safety, is to die slowly without ever having truly lived…
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Think about it. If you ignore your instincts and let shallow feelings of uncertainty constantly stop you, you will never know anything for sure, and in many ways this un-knowing will be worse than finding out your instincts were wrong. Because if you were wrong, you could make adjustments and carry on with your life, without always looking back and wondering what might have been.
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5. Make the rejections of yesterday the focal point of today.
Be okay with walking away when the time comes. Rejection teaches us how to reject what’s not right for our well-being. It won’t always be easy, but some chapters in our lives have to close without closure. There’s no point in losing yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken.
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All too often we let the rejections of our past dictate every move we make thereafter. We literally do not know ourselves to be any better than what some opinionated person or isolated circumstance once told us was true. Of course, this old rejection doesn’t mean we aren’t good enough — it means the other person or circumstance failed to align with what we had to offer at the time. It means we have more time now to improve our thing, to build upon our ideas, to perfect our craft, and to indulge deeper into the work that moves us. And that’s exactly what YOU need to do, starting now.
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6. Refuse to take responsibility.
You aren’t responsible for everything that happened to you, but you need to be responsible for undoing the thinking and behavioral patterns these outcomes created within you. Blaming the past for a limiting mindset today doesn’t fix it. Change your response to what you remember, and step forward again with grace.
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A combination of your decisions and external factors for which you had no control brought you to where you are today. Negatively blaming someone else, or some past circumstance, will change nothing. Positively taking full responsibility for the next step on your path forward can change everything. Leave the unchangeable past behind you as you diligently give yourself to the present moment. In this moment is every possibility you seek. Take responsibility for it, and bring these possibilities to life.
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7. Close your mind to new ideas and perspectives.
Remember that success in life does not depend on always being right. To make real progress you must let go of the assumption that you already have all the answers. Even as you grow wiser with age, you must remind yourself that an understanding is never absolutely final. What’s currently right could easily be wrong later. Thus, the most destructive illusion is a settled point of view.
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So don’t stop learning! Don’t stop investing in yourself. Study. Read. Devour books. Engage with people, including those who think differently. Ask questions. Listen closely. And don’t just grow in knowledge. Be a person who gives back. Use what you’re learning to make a real and lasting difference. (Note: “The Good Morning Journal: Powerful Prompts and Reflections to Start Every Day” is a good tool for keeping yourself on track with this kind of fresh daily perspective.)
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8. Let a few negative people continuously distract you.
Your mind is your private sanctuary; do not allow the negative beliefs of others to occupy it. Your skin is your barrier; do not allow others to get under it. Take good care of your personal boundaries and what you allow yourself to absorb from others.
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Of course, there will inevitably be a few people in your life who will be critical of you regardless of what you do or how well you do it. If you say you want to be a dancer, they will discredit your taste in music. If you say you want to build a new business, they will give you a dozen reasons why it might not work. They somehow assume you don’t have what it takes, but they are dead wrong! Let that sink in…
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It’s a lot easier to be negative than positive — a lot easier to be critical than correct. When you’re embarking on a new venture, instead of listening to the few critics that will try to distract you, spend time talking to one of the hundreds of people in this world who are willing to support your efforts and acknowledge your potential, respectfully. And go ahead and leave us a comment down at the bottom of this post if you think you can’t find one.
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9. Hold tight to something that’s not real.
Remind yourself right now that not everything is meant to be. Sometimes you have to track the data, review the data, and seriously sit down with yourself and come to grips with the fact that you were wrong about it all along. It was just an illusion that never really was what you thought it was.
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It’s one of the most difficult realizations to accept, to realize that you feel a sense of loss, even though you never really had what you thought you had in the first place. The key is knowing this, learning from it, letting go, and taking the next step forward. (Note: Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the Adversity and Growth chapters of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
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10. Maintain rigid expectations every step of the way.
Simple things become complicated when you expect too much. Rigid expectations truly are a root cause of heartache. Don’t let them get the best of you. Every difficult life situation can be an excuse for hopelessness or an opportunity for personal growth, depending on what you choose to do with it. So start by choosing to let go of the expectations that aren’t serving you.
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A mistake doesn’t hurt, expectation does. A rejection doesn’t hurt, expectation does. And so it goes…
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Remember, the mind is your battleground. It’s the place where the fiercest conflict resides. It’s where half the things you feared would happen, never actually happened. It’s where your expectations get the best of you, and you fall victim to your own train of thought time and time again. So don’t lower your standards, but do remember that removing your rigid expectations in life is the best way to avoid being disappointed by everyone and everything you encounter.
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Truth be told, one of the most important moments in life is the moment you finally find the courage to let go of what can’t be changed. Because, when you are no longer able to change a situation, you are challenged to change yourself — to grow beyond the unchangeable. And that changes everything…
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An Exercise for Building Better Daily Habits
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If you feel a like you’ve wasted too much time in the past on one or more of the points above, this quick actionable closing exercise is for YOU.
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Choose any area in your life that you want to improve, and then:
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Write down the specific details about your current circumstances. (What’s bothering you? Where are you stuck? What do you want to change?)
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Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that have contributed to your current circumstances? (Be honest with yourself. What are you doing regularly that actually contributes to the situation you’re in?)
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Write down a few specific details about the “better circumstances” you’d like to create for yourself. (What would make you happy? What does an improved situation look like for you?)
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Write down your answer to this question: What are the daily habits that will get you from where you are to where you want to be? (Think about it. What small, daily steps will help you gradually move forward from point A to point B?)
Now, it’s your turn…
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Yes, it’s your turn to not fall back into your old patterns of living simply because they’re more comfortable and easier to access. It’s your turn to remember that you’re leaving certain habits and situations behind today for a reason: to improve your life — because you can’t move forward if you keep going back. And, it’s undoubtedly your turn to reclaim your time and potential, and make today count!
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Mary McLeod Bethune, known as the ‘First Lady of Negro America,’ also sought to unify the African diaspora
Published: May 13, 2024 8:17am EDT
When I first landed an internship as an archives technician at the Mary McLeod Bethune Council House-National Historic Site – the D.C. home of the woman who founded Bethune-Cookman University – I didn’t see a strong connection between the college founder’s life and the rest of the African diaspora.
Many of the requests I got from researchers were for records of Bethune’s work within what is known as FDR’s “Black Cabinet,” an unofficial Black advisory group that helped raise awareness of issues affecting Black America. Or her role as the founder of the National Council of Negro Women. Or her overall involvement in Washington, D.C., as a resident of Logan Circle, where she welcomed people from around the world to the NCNW headquarters.
But in the process of preserving the records and retrieving them for scholars, I soon came to see Bethune in a different light.
By reading her letters, diary entries and notes from various meetings, I noticed that Bethune was awarded honors in Haiti and Liberia. I decided to take a closer look at her work abroad for my dissertation, and I found that she was more connected to the diaspora than I and many others had thought.
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That experience ultimately laid the foundation for my 2023 book, “Mary McLeod Bethune The Pan-Africanist.”
Pan-Africanism, according to Nigerian historian P. Olisanwuche Esedebe, is a “political and cultural phenomenon which regards Africa, Africans and African descendants abroad as a unit.”
“It seeks to regenerate and unify Africa and promote a feeling of oneness among the people of the African world,” Esedebe wrote. “It glorifies the African past and inculcates pride in African values.”
Bethune embodied ideals of Pan-Africanism throughout the course of her life.
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A global view
This much is evident from a 1926 speech she gave as president of the National Association of Colored Women’s Clubs at the organization’s annual convention. In that speech, she challenged Black women to unify with people of African descent throughout the world.
Specifically, she stated:
We must make this national body of colored women not merely a national influence, but a significant link between peoples of color throughout the world.
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African identity
Bethune’s story begins in Mayesville, South Carolina, where she was born to formerly enslaved parents.
She was taught by her family that her roots were in Africa. Throughout her life she spoke about how her mother descended from a royal matriarchy.
She lived in South Carolina until she went to Scotia Seminary – now known as Barber-Scotia College – and graduated in 1893. Thereafter she attended Moody Bible Institute and graduated in 1895. Her training prepared her to become a missionary.
Mary McLeod Bethune rose to become one of the most influential Black women of the 20th century. In 1904, she founded a small school for girls in Daytona Beach, Florida. That school later became Bethune-Cookman University.
While living in Washington, D.C., where she moved to work with the Roosevelt administration and National Council of Negro Women, she worked alongside Carter G. Woodson, the founder of what we now know to be Black History Month, during her time as president of the Association for the Study of Negro Life and History.
In 1935, Bethune founded the National Council of Negro Women, an “organization of organizations” to unify African American women’s organizations under one major umbrella.
The Mary McLeod Bethune Council House-National Historic Site was the first headquarters of the organization. It was purchased by the National Park Service in 1994.
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The ‘First Lady of Negro America’
As I pored through the archives, I learned about Bethune’s role as the first African American woman to head a federal agency, which she did as director of the Division of Negro Affairs with the National Youth Administration. I learned how she was able to secure jobs and critical educational funding for African Americans during the Great Depression.
She also worked closely with Eleanor Roosevelt to fight for the inclusion of African American women during World War II.
American educator and activist Mary McLeod Bethune, right, speaks with two members of the Women’s Auxiliary Army Corps in 1942. Bettmann via Getty Images
It soon became apparent why Ebony magazine proclaimed her in 1949 as the “First Lady of Negro America.”
Haiti’s highest honor
When she traveled to Haiti in 1949 – where she was awarded the Haitian Medal of Honor and Merit, Haiti’s highest honor at the time – she visited orphanages, churches and historic sites to understand the needs of the people and the richness of the culture.
Bethune was often seen wearing her Haitian medal proudly. She wrote about her travels in The Chicago Defender, a national Black newspaper.
She called for support for Haitian women’s suffrage. She also called for members of the National Council of Negro Women to assist with the building of orphanages in the country and actively raised money to do so.
As I continued to conduct research in the archives, I found that Bethune had worked to create solidarity between people of African descent much of her life. She traveled to places – including Cuba in 1930, Bermuda in 1931, Canada in 1945 and 1954, the Bahamas in 1953 – forging relationships throughout the African diaspora.
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As a daughter of Africa
In her writings, Bethune referred to Africa as her homeland. She saw herself as a daughter of the continent. Whether it was at the 1945 founding of the United Nations, where she called for an end to colonization, or in the White House, where she pushed for an end to poll taxes for Africans Americans, the goal of freedom was always at the forefront for her.
In 1952, she received the Star of Africa during her trip to Liberia. Created in 1920, the star was one of Liberia’s highest honors and awarded to individuals who rendered distinguished service to the country or to Africa overall. This was a significant honor, and she did not take it lightly. During the trip, she met with women’s groups and visited local schools. She also attended the lavish inaugural celebration for President William V.S. Tubman.
The trip held special meaning for Bethune, particularly since she had attempted to travel to Africa as a missionary at the age of 20 and was told by the missionary society that she could not do so because she was Black.
At 76, her dream finally came true. In her recap of the trip, she stated: “I was thrilled to set foot in this soil of Africa which I have so long dreamed of visiting – of returning to my homeland.”
Bethune’s understanding of her personal connection to the continent and its people is what inspired her to challenge others to do the same. Although she was acknowledged as “First Lady of Negro America,” perhaps it is time to acknowledge her as “First Lady of the African Diaspora” as well.
Trained in Rites of Passage, Now They’re Training Black Male Youth
The Baltimore Rites of Passage Initiative has been hard at work raising up a cohort of 16 men who will, in turn, mentor Black male youth ages 11-13.
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by Rev. Dorothy S. BoulwareApril 19, 2024
Credit: Courtesy Mentor Maryland
It’s no secret that America has long promoted a narrative of inferiority about Black boys and men. It’s a steady drip of poison that parents, caregivers, and community members have to counteract vigilantly. And that’s where rites of passage programs — rituals that transition a person from an old way of being and thinking to a new, more mature, and advanced state — make a difference.
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Indeed, in Baltimore, the Baltimore Rites of Passage Initiative has been hard at work raising up a cohort of 16 men who will, in turn, mentor Black male youth ages 11-13.
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RELATED: Helping Black Boys Heal From Violence, Trauma
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BROPI is an innovative, multigenerational model, which empowers Black men to embrace positive masculinity and expand their capacity to engage with adolescent Black male youth effectively. The program aims to bolster the ranks of highly skilled Black men equipped to address the pressing challenges confronting Black male youth.
“We’ll talk to them about who we are, about our African connections and traditions, and about how these ties and traditions became severed during slavery,” says David Miller, the co-leader of the program.
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Miller is a Baltimore native and activist with a doctorate from Morgan State University’s Department of Social Work. He “dedicates his life to fighting against the economic and social deprivation that communities of color face,” according to the program’s website, and “leads intergenerational conversations with men and boys about essential topics like managing anger, mental health, and alternatives to violence.”
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At an event on April 13, the initiative, in partnership with MENTOR Maryland/DC, honored the hard work of these 16 men, along with family members and community leaders. These 16 men spent six months being trained in every aspect of life — physical, mental, and spiritual — to be mentors and examples.
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RELATED: The Toughest Issue for Teachers Is Even Tougher For Students
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The men, ranging in age from 24 to 60 and coming from various youth-serving organizations across the city, immersed themselves in sessions focusing on redefining manhood, combating toxic masculinity, delving into African/African American history and culture, and adopting African-centered best practices for engaging Black male youth.
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Their program of preparation also addressed mental health needs, suicide prevention, anger management, and decision-making.
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Beginning in June, these men will guide 30 boys through up to 14 weeks of a youth Rites of Passage process — and not only the boys, but their entire families must be involved to make the process completely effective.
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“This rites of passage process has not only enabled me to become a better man but has also equipped me with invaluable tools to enhance my role as a clinician providing mental health services to Black men and boys in Baltimore City,” Bobby Marvin Holmes, a licensed social worker, tells Word In Black.
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“I am eager to complete this journey and commence my work with youth over the summer.”
Miller says this is the only program of its kind. “Baltimore is the only city that has a dedicated youth fund. We received a multiyear grant from the Baltimore City Children and Youth Fund, along with additional backing from the United Way of Central Maryland, the Annie E. Casey Foundation, Elev8, Keys Development, and the YMCA of Central Maryland. ”
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And, this program will be evaluated by an outside firm to measure and confirm its success.
Abusive Gender Practices “Tragically Embedded” in American Life
Cover of “Behind Closed Doors: Exposing and Addressing Harmful Gender-Based Practices in the United States”. Credit: Population Institute - Photo: 2024
By Thalif Deen
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UNITED NATIONS | 5 April 2024 (IDN) — The United Nations has continued a longstanding campaign against female genital mutilation (FGM) and child marriages, both still prevalent, mostly in Africa, Asia and the Middle East.
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According to the UN children’s agency UNICEF, FGM refers to “all procedures involving partial or total removal of the female external genitalia or other injury to the female genital organs for non-medical reasons”.
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Described as a violation of girls’ and women’s human rights, over 230 million girls and women worldwide have been subjected to FGM.
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Africa accounts for the largest share of this total, with over 144 million. Asia follows with over 80 million, and a further 6 million are in the Middle East.
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Another 1-2 million are affected in small practising communities and destination countries for migration in the rest of the world.
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The practice is described as “universal” in Somalia, Guinea and Djibouti, with 90 percent or higher, while it affects about one percent of girls and women in Cameroon and Uganda.
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But a new report from the Washington-based Population Institute (PI) points out the prevalence of FGM, child marriages and femicide in the United States, and its widespread harmful gender-based practices.
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In a new study released April 3, the Population Institute, a nonprofit which advocates for gender equality and sexual and reproductive health, says while few Americans realize these practices exist here, through meticulous research and analysis, the report, entitled “Behind Closed Doors: Exposing and Addressing Harmful Gender-Based Practices in the United States,” sheds light on their hidden prevalence and deep roots in American culture.
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“To cast these gender-based harms as outside problems only is rooted in misguided American exceptionalism,” says report author Maniza Habib, research associate with the Population Institute.
A wake-up call
“This a major disservice to the countless individuals within our own communities who need support. ‘Behind Closed Doors’ is a wake-up call, urging us to confront the uncomfortable truth that harmful gender-based practices are a problem that involves us and our communities,” she argued.
They aren’t “foreign” problems; harmful, abusive gender practices are tragically embedded in American life, the report shows. They occur “behind closed doors,” but on a surprisingly large scale, and demand recognition and redress.
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For example:
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The U.S. positions itself as a leader in combatting FGM/C abroad, yet more than 500,000 women and girls in the U.S. are at risk or have already undergone FGM/C.
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An estimated 300,000 minors in the U.S. were married between 2000 and 2018, the vast majority underage girls.
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The U.S. has one of the highest rates of femicide among high-income countries, 2.2 per 100,000 women. Women in the U.S. are 28 times more likely to be intentionally murdered by guns than women in peer countries.
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The report is designed to help bring these issues out of the shadows and give U.S. policymakers and communities tools to address them. It comes at a time when a national conversation about them is getting underway, says PI.
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April is national Sexual Assault Awareness and Prevention Month. But courts and lawmakers are only just beginning to grapple with them, often ineffectively.
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The Washington state and Virginia state legislatures just passed laws setting the minimum marriage age, though it’s unclear whether Governor Youngkin will sign Virginia’s new law.
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Nine states and Washington D.C. still do not have any laws against FGM/C
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They were only the 11th and 12th states to pass such laws, an indicator of how embedded the practice of child marriage is in the U.S.
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A decision is pending from the U.S. Supreme Court in United States v. Rahimi, a landmark gun law case that stands to greatly exacerbate the already high risk of femicide by loosening a loophole that would allow people under domestic violence restraining orders to obtain guns, on the theory that depriving them of gun rights violates the Second Amendment.
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That the Court would even consider such a question indicates how embedded femicide and the attitudes behind it are in the U.S.
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Nine states and Washington D.C. still do not have any laws against FGM/C, according to the report, and of those that do, many lack provisions that fully protect those who are vulnerable and fail to inform communities about the harms of the practice.
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No states have laws against virginity testing, yet there have been reports of U.S. physicians receiving requests for virginity tests, including before a forced marriage.
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Studies show gender-based harms disproportionately impact the LGBTQI+ community. The report highlights that at least 510 anti-LGBTQI+ bills were introduced across the United States in 2023, which stand to make the problem even worse, and indicate how far U.S. policy has to go to redress it.
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Gender-based harms are an urgent social problem in the U.S, the report finds. Their lasting physical, emotional, social, and economic effects demand more community investment, advocacy work, and survivor-led initiatives.
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The report also emphasizes the importance of a non-judgmental, non-stigmatizing attitude and calls for policymakers to approach gender-based harms with solidarity, humility, and empathy, both in international discussions, and in addressing them as urgent domestic issues in the U.S., seeking culturally competent solutions to build a society that respects the bodily autonomy, rights, and dignity of all individuals.
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“By fostering global awareness, advocating for change, and building alliances across borders, rather than stereotyping gender-based harm as a ‘foreign’ problem, U.S. policymakers, practitioners, and communities can better contribute to dismantling oppressive structures and fostering a future where every individual is free from discrimination and gender-based harm,” the report states. [IDN-InDepthNews]
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Photo: Cover of “Behind Closed Doors: Exposing and Addressing Harmful Gender-Based Practices in the United States”. Credit: Population Institute
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IDN is the flagship agency of the Non-profit International Press Syndicate.
Keep Telling Your Stories
Minister Angela Waters Bamford, M.Div., M.A.C.E. is a friend of UM, and this is
one of the storied she shared stories at the Jewish Center, Rochester, NY
during Black History Month, February 15, 2024.
In the early 1960’s there was a young African American girl named Angela, Amelia, Kalula, Lizet, Taneguchi, Uchiomi, Machimola, Knackawhatic, by her mother; who had named her after her d-o-l-l, (I usually spell it, because it is a word that is hard for me to pronounce properly) after her classmates and friends that she cherish in her schools in Chicago, IL. This young girl lived in Junction City Kansas during the school year and would return to her hometown Chicago where she was born during the Jim Crow Era.
Jim Crow was an Era here in America where the Dominant Culture, which were the White population were making laws that would continue the legacy of White Supremacy. Jim Crow legalized the separations of the other races of people and forced them into being Second Class Citizens. Unfortunately, what that exactly meant was not taught in our schools per se, only the subtle degradation of the moral decay of humanism was expressed and children didn’t get the memo. African American children were taught that you must respect your elders, even if they are wrong because there is a lesson to be learned even in that, like of what you don’t want to do or the way in which you should act towards others.
Well, we will just call the young girl Angela as we move forward with this story. Angela’s thoughts did not give any notice of the “colored only” signs as they had always been just part of her life. She didn’t fully understand what they meant, so when she would go places and see the signs, she never questioned why they were there. When other acts of discrimination by her teachers presented themselves, like them making her to go to the end of the line when it was time to drink water from the fountain after a long hot recess, and then being told that the faucet in the bathroom was also off limits to her, which only left the toilet water for quenching her thirst. While in the bathroom stall, she rationalized that, “dogs drink from the toilet and they are fine”, therefore it must be alright for her to drink too and that became her water fountain.
Angela didn’t think about how when Mr. Ludwig would spit plaque covered erasers on her desk that that was not appropriate because it was a regular occurrence. Instead of speaking out about it, she would stick big thick pins in her gums, and she and her other classmate who looked like her would flick the erasers back and forth to each other as a game. She knew that she couldn’t tell her parents because they believed that the teachers were always right because they were adults and they would beat her and blame her for not getting good grades in school, not knowing that the teacher would not give her the credit she deserved. These subtle acts mounted up and as she went into higher grade levels the abuse became worse and the teachers were pushing her down the stairs.
Unaware of the covert actions by those in charge, she began to rebel by fighting other students which did not help the situation. By the time she reached eighth grade the Civil Rights Movement was well on its way, and she was definitely apart of it. She would march home from school with the rest of the students that attended shouting James Brown’s lyrics to songs like “say it loud, I’m Black and I’m proud.” When she asked her Social Studies teacher about being taught Black History that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. When the teacher told her that he was only teaching about the few pictures and captions that were in the book and she told the teacher to take the book and he then responded by giving her a pass to go to the Office. That was the last of her formal schooling for more than 30 years.
During that time Angela made education and learning a lifelong journey, especially of Black History. She became pregnant during her early teens and experienced a lot of the world through her experiences of being a victim of domestic abuse, molestation, insets, gang violence etc. because her father was a gangster, a pimp, and a whole lot of other things that weren’t legal or healthy. By the time Angela was 17 she had three children and a husband and lived in Mannhiem West Germany.
When she arrived in Germany, on her first day on the Kaserne she met people that knew her in Junction City. Angela’s husband was in the 63 military battalion, and he spent a lot of time in the “field” where they practiced maneuvers. She stayed in Hemsback in a hotel at first and then her husband took her to a place closer to Benjamin Franklin Village where he worked. Upon arrival at the prospective apartment the host greeted her and her family with gifts. She was invited for tea and shown the basement apartment that was for rent. It was two rooms that were divided by a shrunk. The landlord seemed nice and even promised to teach her German in exchange for her teaching her English. The landlord wife Helen and Angela got along great, while Helen’s husband Hans Phifer never said much and was not home most of the time. The two women would go shopping together and exchange rations for rent and spent a lot of time on lessons.
The U.S. dollar was strong, 4 Marks to a U.S. dollar. Cigarettes were $2.40 a carton and you could buy 4 cartons per adult, coffee, tea, and alcohol were also rationed and could be sold for enough to pay rent.
One day while Angela was upstairs, she noticed a picture of the couple with white bands on the arm with a funny looking black symbol, so she inquired about it. Angela had no idea what Nazi’s were or about the Holocaust. The good old U.S. education neglected to mention that during any History class as well. Helen never went into any real details about the Holocaust, but she did bring it to her attention about the ways that the U.S. treated African Americans. For instance, she made it a point to bring Angela upstairs to show her the television when they were talking about a pet cemetery and she noted, “look, they treat their pets better than they do Black people.”
Angela still did not know or understand about Hitler, or the many people that were gassed and starved and the whole ugly inhumane system that allowed millions of people to be exterminated. As a result, Angela attended a Retreat organized by her husband’s company to go to Berchtesgaden. She stayed at the General Walker Hotel and was given a tour of the facility which included a short history lesson about how the infamous Adolf Hitler came from a short distance away in Austria with an eighth-grade education and had built this facility which the Americans knew nothing about until Hitler’s plane took off from Berlin and landed there.
As the tour bus climbed the mountain Angela noticed many holes in the side of the mountain path and inquired and no one responded. During the tour, however, all was made clear. There was a tour of the hotel that started at the restaurant whereas you left out of the side door you were taken to a door which had stairs leading down and as you stood at the top of the stairs you looked down and there were 3 long holes which were holes where guns would have been to shoot you as you approached. As you turned there were 3 more holes which did the same thing of providing opportunities for the shooter to kill anyone who escaped the first set of guns. To the side of the wall to your left was a door where an elevator could take you down 3 floors. However, the Nazi regime were in the process of building it 5 stories down when they were discovered. As the tour descended, they were shown Hitler and Stallings apartments, and they were described of the luxury by the guide who had the opportunity to see it before the details were stripped away. The holes that Angela saw as she was going up the mountain were described as air holes that were designed to pump in fresh air into the building for the 300 people who were expected to live there on the food and provisions that were enough to house them comfortably for six months.
While Angela had learned a lot about history and people, she still did not know about propaganda. Propaganda that had been instilled into the German minds about Black people and the lies that the White U.S. soldiers would tell Black soldiers about the German customs which were so outrageous they were laughable such as, the Germans were told that Black people grew tails at night, therefore without Angela having a clue about this her landlord Helen thought that it was logical to ask her, “when do you grow your tail?” She would also want to touch her children and call them “Sugalatten” meaning Chocolate babies and see if their color would rub off. Angela also did not understand what culture was or ethnicity because she had never been taught, so when her neighbors saw Angela’s son with his hair braided into many small braids, they assumed that she was mentally unstable and asked Helen about her mental capacity.
Today, Angela understands more about the impact of ignorance and how lies and misunderstandings can affect the lives of so many people partially because you can’t teach what you don’t know, and you can’t lead where you won’t go. These lessons have made a huge impact on her life. She understands that not knowing your culture or heritage can deny you joy and freedom. As the Jewish Holocaust is a narrative that is imperative that is told as often and as loud as possible, I agree with “Poppa,” Dr. David Anderson who always told me to tell our stories. We are all a people with a proud heritage, and we all have stories to tell of our lives and we should share them as often as possible.
Yes, I am that young African American girl and after watching the movie “Origin” directed by the fabulous, Ava DuVernay, whom I admire very much, how the Jewish Holocaust, the African American Slavery and the Untouchables in India were all connected reemphasized why we should tell our stories because it is not about Racism as the dominant culture wants us to believe but about Caste. I truly believe that when we know better, we are able to equip ourselves to do better. Keep telling your stories, you never know the lives you will change, and it is never too late.
©by Angela Waters Bamford @godsfemaleservant@gmail.com. All Rights Reserved. Written Permission required.
226TH GENERAL ASSEMBLY
Two South Carolina pastors announce they will stand for co-moderators of the 226th General Assembly
The Rev. CeCe Armstrong
The Rev. Tony Larson
The Rev. CeCe Armstrong and the Rev. Tony Larson used the month of February to discern their call and discuss their shared vision for the PC(USA)
Mike Ferguson | Presbyterian News Service - March 5, 2024
LOUISVILLE
Two South Carolina pastors will stand for co-moderators of the 226th General Assembly, set for June 25 through July 4, with plenary sessions to be held in Salt Lake City, Utah, and committee work online.
The Rev. CeCe Armstrong, associate pastor of St. James Presbyterian Church on James Island in Charleston, part of Charleston-Atlantic Presbytery, and the Rev. Tony Larson, pastor of Trinity Presbyterian Church in Surfside Beach, which is in the Presbytery of New Harmony, have announced they will stand together.
“The Holy Spirit has been at work through the voices of our colleagues and mentors who have given us holy ‘nudges’ to offer ourselves for service by standing for this office,” the two pastors said in a statement. “In prayerful conversation, consultation and investigation, we have discerned that together we are willing to stand.”
The two pastors said their conversation began with key staff members of the Presbytery of New Harmony, including New Harmony’s executive presbyter, the Rev. Gavin Meek, and its associate for pastoral concerns, the Rev. Dr. Ella Busby.
Recently, Larson began serving as moderator of the presbytery. Meek called him one day last month to discuss an upcoming meeting agenda. Toward the end of the conversation, Meek told Larson he had one more thing to discuss: “I think you should stand for co-moderator of the General Assembly,” Meek told a surprised Larson.
You have enough experience in ministry, Meek told him. You’ve got polity skills and you have served the presbytery through its Committee on Ministry. “You have vision and energy that would serve [the PC(USA)] well,” Meek said, adding he and Busby had a person in mind “we think might stand with you.”
“That call came — oh, my stars!” Armstrong recalled. “I have undying respect for the Rev. Dr. Ella Busby, an iconic African American clergywoman.”
“I’m going to ask you to pray,” Busby told Armstrong. “I think you will like him, and I endorse him. You have faith and skills the denomination can benefit from.”
“Pray fast!” Busby urged Armstrong. “We need to make some deadlines.”
A week later, Busby had only one question for Armstrong: “What did the Lord say?”
That “God speaks through people I admire,” Armstrong told her. “[Busby] told me, ‘If God is saying this, I’m going to introduce you to him.’”
“We found time to have a phone conversation. We shard our experiences in ministry, our vision for the church and our theological perspective,” Larson said. “That began this work of prayerful conversation with one another, with God and others who have served in the role.”
“It all happened in the month of February!” Armstrong said.
Their vision is wrapped in helping Presbyterians “recognize who their neighbor is,” Armstrong said, while also “training their replacements” as older Presbyterians age out of leadership positions. “We are the church, but we won’t always be here,” she said. “How do we train those who will replace us?”
Trinity Presbyterian Church features “a vibrant group of older adults,” Larson said. Many Trinity members moved to Surfside Beach during their retirement years. “The church has to be a place that connects them to the community and introduces them to the neighborhood.”
“That’s part of my vision for the church in the 21st century, a time of great division in many ways,” he said.
When Armstrong first came to St. James, she moved in with a couple because of housing limitations. Her mother “was preparing to leave this life, and so she selected this set of parents for me,” Armstrong said. When Armstrong told this couple what she and Larson were discerning, the husband advised her that “If you are going with God, then trust God will be with you whatever that looks like.”
The senior pastor at St. James, the Rev. Dr. Brian Henderson, put it even more succinctly: “It’s about time!” When Armstrong told the session, they prayed for her and told her, “Do you know what it means for this congregation?”
“They’re already preparing,” Armstrong said. “Without their endorsement I would do nothing.”
An endorsement from both presbyteries, which are adjacent, is expected soon. “Each of our presbyteries has a story to tell about teaming up for a shared witness to Jesus Christ,” Larson said.
Larson shared the news with the Trinity congregation on Sunday. “They don’t get on their feet very often unless told to by an asterisk in the bulletin,” he said with a smile, but they did when they heard his news. “There were a lot of ‘God be with yous’” expressed when Larson shook people’s hands after worship. “There’s definitely some excitement.”
“I suspect the biggest challenge right now is there is a heaviness in our political arena,” Armstrong said. Even though the PC(USA) “is heavy laden with words and policies, we are a visual denomination” as well, Armstrong said. She expects “people will take in our visual presentation” with one candidate being a Black female, and the other a white male.
Larson said he’s been clear with Trinity’s session and the congregation that “the vision of the kingdom is broad and expansive and inclusive.”
“I think that’s a message that resonates with people here, and I hope that finds resonance in the larger church,” he said. While they were discerning their call to stand as co-moderators, “We talked about alignment in our discernment,” including gifts and skills and shared vision, he said, “and that’s true for the larger church.”
“Part of the work is to seek a vision of alignment, trusting God that even when there are differences, Christ intends healing, wholeness, reconciliation and grace,” Larson said.
“We just connected in February, and yet we are very certain this was a God call,” Armstrong said. “We bring what we have, but we know God provided it in the first place.”
“Neither had it on our radar a month ago,” Larson said. “To get to know one another and hear these affirmations has been a joy.”
For Black ‘nones’ who leave religion, what’s next?
When Black Americans leave religion, they rarely leave it altogether. But even as they retain elements of Christian culture, what other communities are they embracing beyond the church?
(RNS) — When Black Americans leave religion, it’s rarely a clean break.
Take Rogiérs Fibby, a self-described agnostic, atheist and secular humanist who grew up in the Moravian Church. The head of the Washington, D.C., chapter of the Black Secular Collective, Fibby also considers himself “culturally Christian.”
“I know all the lingo, the theologies of different denominations, the theological distinctions, how to move in those different spaces theologically and interpersonally,” he told Religion News Service.
Or take Felicia Murrell, who served in church leadership across a range of denominations for over two decades. Today she thinks of herself as “interspiritual,” but she also told RNS, “Christianity is my mother tongue.”
Then there’s William Matthews, longtime Bethel Music recording artist who left the church for about six years, starting in 2016. Today he’s the music director at New Abbey, a progressive, LGBTQ-affirming church in Los Angeles where exvangelicals and religious ”nones” regularly attend.
William Matthews. (Courtesy photo)
“We don’t have the privilege to not need God, or some type of God or spirituality,” Matthews, who now identifies as Christian, told RNS about Black Americans. “It’s always been our backs against the world.”
Of the roughly 20% of Black Americans who are religiously unaffiliated — or nones — about one-third believe in the God of the Bible, and over half believe in some other higher power, according to a January Pew study. Eighty-eight percent believe humans have a soul or spirit, 71% think of themselves as spiritual, and by nearly every other religious or spiritual metric — belief in heaven and hell, daily prayer — Black nones come across as more religiously enmeshed than other nonaffiliated groups.
“They are not affiliated with a religion, but that does not mean they don’t have various devotional practices, various spiritual beliefs,” said Kiana Cox, senior researcher on the Race and Ethnicity team at Pew Research Center, who also pointed out that Black Americans generally are more likely to engage in religious practices than other racial groups.
While statistics on unaffiliated Black Americans paint a clear picture of their spiritual nature, the data doesn’t explain why this group seems to retain religious attachments, or what sorts of communities they are embracing beyond the church. As Black nones continue to depart the religious institutions that have historically served as vehicles for social change, the answers to these questions could have broader implications for the future of Black-led activism.
According to some experts, the central role religious groups played in securing civil rights is part of why Black nones retain elements of religiosity.
“When we think about the Civil Rights Movement, when we think about Reconstruction and African Americans coming out of slavery, it was important to identify with these institutions for social reasons and for economic reasons,” said Teddy Reeves, curator of religion at the National Museum of African American History & Culture. “It was a way of safety. It was a way of community. It was a way of creating meaning out of what was going on in their everyday lives.”
Felicia Murrell. (Courtesy photo)
For Murrell, some of her most formative memories are of her grandmother starting each day sitting in her chair, Bible in her lap, glasses slipping down her face. The stories about God’s deliverance that have been handed down from generation to generation, Murrell said, are deeply rooted in the Black American experience.
“I do think a lot of the overcoming of hardships, a lot of the way that people endured, was through their belief in God, that God would make a way somehow,” said Murrell. At testimony services in the Black church, Murrell said, it’s common for folks to share stories about tragedy happening in their life, and then to say “but God!” to indicate how God intervened on their behalf.
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“I think you have people looking for deeper answers,” she said. “They’re looking for a faith that can sustain and hold their mystery.”
R. Khari Brown, (A Sociologist)
R. Khari Brown, a sociologist at Wayne State University in Detroit, told RNS that while the educational attainment of some Black Americans could be impacting Black nones’ departure from institutional religion, others struggling with poverty may also be impacted if they are more focused on survival than attending worship services.
“So one pattern is, people who are highly educated tend to be unaffiliated, which is the case among all groups,” he said. “But for African Americans, I think the role of poverty, and social instability linked to poverty… is also correlated with not attending.”
Jason Shelton, author of the forthcoming book “The Contemporary Black Church: The New Dynamics of African American Religion,” added that some historical denominations can seem overly formal or outdated.
“There’s still a sense that you have to dress formally. There’s still the sense of the detachment of the preacher in the pulpit far away,” said Shelton, who was raised in the African Methodist Episcopal Church and is now part of the United Methodist Church. “It’s an old choir, and that organ, good God!”
Kiana Cox. (Photo © David Hills)
Some churches’ theology, too, can feel hostile to those who are queer or LGBTQ-affirming. That was the case for Fibby, who in the late aughts was working as a church musician in both a Black Baptist church and Afro-Caribbean Seventh-day Adventist Church in Brooklyn, New York. While the two churches differed wildly on much of their theology and polity, “the one thing they agreed on was the homophobia part,” said Fibby. As a queer Black man, he said the anti-LGBTQ rhetoric he routinely heard from the pulpit is part of what made him skeptical toward claims of the faith.
Given the prominence of religious institutions in Black culture, disaffiliating from religion can leave a void in terms of community. In response, according to Reeves, who created and produced the documentary “gOD-Talk: A Black Millennials and Faith Conversation,” Black millennials are gathering elsewhere, from meeting up at music
festivals such as Coachella, AfroTech and Afropunk to getting together for brunch regularly. Social media, too, has become a hub for connection, he said, and some Black nones looking for spiritual fulfillment might turn to online leaders such as the Rev. Melva Sampson of the Pink Robe Chronicles and Tricia Hersey of The Nap Ministry.
After Murrell first left the church due to an experience of “church hurt” in 2014, she began teaming up with her husband to host the “Brunch Bunch,” monthly gatherings centered on food and discussion with about five other families who’d left church. Murrell also finds regular community with her Girls Nite Out group, women who, she describes in her forthcoming book, “And: The Restorative Power of Love in an Either/Or World,” are “as likely to tell you about the tarot cards she pulled or gift you a crystal as another is to pray for you and give you a prophetic word.”
Matthews ended up returning to church after his years away — the pandemic, he said, and the accompanying isolation eventually “pushed” him back to church. He found a community with progressive theology and an anti-hierarchical model, but he knows not everyone will find a church to call home. Outside of religious institutions, Matthews believes Black nones will need to consider what groups will be responsible for generating collective action.
“For us to see the type of change we want to see in the world around social justice issues, around racism, sexism, homophobia, it will take collectivist work,” he said.
In some places, Black-centered institutions offering community and activism have already emerged. Around 2010, Fibby used social media to connect with other Black Americans who, like him, were looking for belonging on the other side of religion. Many of those online connections have translated to long-term in-person friendships. And as the leader of the D.C. chapter of the Black Secular Collective, Fibby connects with like-minded individuals through regular meals, volunteer work and participation in marches and protests.
Teddy Reeves. (Courtesy photo)
Shelton also voiced the need for institutions to galvanize Black people around issues of racial inequality.
“When Black folks leave organized religion, and they have their reasons for doing so, no question about it, but what does that mean for African Americans and mobilization to address long-standing disparities?” he asked.
While Reeves echoed concerns about the importance of physical meeting spaces for social change, he also said it’s an “amazing time for Black faith.” It’s a season of change, and perhaps a time of reckoning, he said, as millennials refuse to put themselves in spaces that no longer serve them.
“This generation is following spirit,” said Reeves. “And if spirit is leading them outside the walls of our churches, and outside of the walls of our temples, and outside of the walls of our mosques, it begs our institutions to figure out: Are they listening to spirit and the new ways this spirit may be moving?”